First Snowfall

We had our first real snowfall of the year last night. It was fun for me to watch Zora wake up to her first snowfall - well, her first one this year.

Her initial reaction was to laugh, which we did a lot of once we put her into her snow suit that is still a little large on her.

Snow is a lot like dirt or sand to Zora - she has no patience with it on her hands. I'm teaching her to learn how to wipe it off her fingers rather than just whining about it touching her. I'm guessing there won't be any snow-ball fights or snow-man building for her this afternoon...

THE stroller

A friend has graciously let us borrow her very nice double jogger - which is currently sitting in our basement awaiting baby and springtime.

However, the Bumbleride Indie Twin still sits on my list of all-time favorite strollers. So, I couldn't resist entering this giveaway ... I know my chances are slim, but afterall, someone has to win! Click over and check it out - the giveaway ends tomorrow, and there are some other great giveaways on that site as well.

Thankful, Finally

I put off writing this post over the weekend because, well, I was having a hard time being thankful. Well, no, that's wrong. I was thankful, but I was also wallowing in a pit of self-pity, which trumps any and all positivity.

See, I woke up Thankgiving morning feeling like I had landed smack in the middle of the first trimester all over again - nausea, dizziness, fatigue, sensitivity to smells, food aversions...ON THANKSGIVING! So instead of watching the parade and cooking the side dishes I had so meticulously planned, I was in bed, sipping water and listening to poor David cook and try to talk to his family on the phone, who live very far away.

This led to a very grumpy few days. But finally, I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. It took a lot of prayer and some honesty, but God helped pull me out of that place. Specifically, I prayed for an outpouring of evidence of the fruits of the spirit in my life - for more patience and more joy, specifically. And I can say that today is a new week.

I am thankful for so many things. My growing family would be top on that list, of course. My girls are already both precious to me and I love sharing this life with David.

But more than the specific things I am thankful for, I am in a place where I am again cultivating a heart of thanksgiving - an outpouring of thankfulness in the midst of everyday life, a constant turning of my heart to the creator and his provision and blessing, a mind and life-posture that look to God in gratefulness at every turn in life.

"...blessed be the name of the LORD."

It's a ...

... girl!!

I tried to get a picture with the picture of her on the screen - but alas, the flash.


So ultrasound = amazing! I was looking at her little kidneys and other parts thinking that not only am I looking at my daughter, but I am looking at all her little inside parts for the first and potentially only time in her life. The whole thing was so cool. I swear some of her profile shots are very much like her big sister. Now that I've seen her looking more like a baby (the first u/s was more like a blog), I am just dying to meet her and welcome her little personality, whatever it is, into our family.


So there you go - my little Irish twins, who will be 16 months apart. I never had a sister, so I am especially excited for Zora to grow up with a girlie buddy.And then I tried to crop David out of this picture because he was mid-blink and Z is grainy now - but I had to post it because she is so stinkin' cute.

My health:

*I'm still waiting to get in with a second neurologist. In the meantime, I am hitting the chiropractor at least once a week, which seems to be helping.

*I'm still having symptoms, though they seem to be a little bit better. Although, I did get another massive put-me-in-a-dark-room-and-pray-I-can-sleep migraine this weekend. The slower pace of my life helps, I think, because I am able to sit down or lie down or slow down when I need to - for the most part.

*Our second baby got a clean bill of health, which was a relief. Again, it's confirmation that whatever is going on with me is not affecting my new little girl.

*The computer screen and the television seem to worsen my symptoms and trigger the migraines. I am keeping computer work to a bare minimum and the tv is off (so what the heck am I doing blogging?!). I also can't read for very long because of my blurry vision. There has been a lot of sitting and staring - and watching Zora practically run from room to room. I'm considering books on CD or a baby translator because I'm pretty sure whatever Zora is constantly babbling to me is 1) pretty fun and 2) a good story.

Okay, hitting my max on here. Signing off to go sip water and stare outside - it's a gorgeous day here in Michigan!

20 weeks

I got a fun message on my phone this morning from my OB - turns out my appointment is not on Friday, it's Monday! This means we'll have our ultrasound on Monday and hopefully find out the gender, if he or she cooperates.

S-L-O-W spells...??

I'm trying to figure out what slow means for me right now. If I were my own health counselor, I would have told myself last week that I was doing too much. And since I am having all these health issues that I have no control over, I decided to take control of some of the things that I can.

I am finished with the class I was teaching this semester. Yes, there is a month left in the semester. Yes, I realize I broke my contract. Yes, I started crying immediately when I told my class. Yes, I feel better about it already. How am I filling the time so far? Putting my feet up and trying to make an effort to eat better.

Food and rest. Those are the two things that I can be proactive about, and I have. The food thing is hard because as well all know, cooking just takes time; and, you have to do it standing up (still trying to find a kitchen set-up that allows me to lounge on the couch while preparing dinner, though). But now that I am not teaching my class, I have not only more time but more brain-space to devote to thinking about things like lunch and dinner and napping.

Is my health dramatically improved? No. But do I feel better than last week? Absolutely.

I am seeking second opinions from medical professionals and upping my visits to the chiropractor. I am also talking with other people who suffer from migraines. And the general consensus is just that - I am having massive migraines (that come with some crazy symptoms). Hopefully these will go away once the baby is born, but for now, I am rearranging my life so I can better cope with this new reality.

But speaking of the new baby - our 20-week ultrasound is next week (at almost 22 weeks, actually), and we're going to find out the gender! Can't wait! Any guesses?

A quick update

I am having trouble on the computer these days - looking at a bright shiny light makes my vision worse and my headaches achier. My max is about 10 minutes, then I start to get sick to my stomach, among other things.

But here's a quick update.

Things have gone from bad to worse. Zora's pregnancy was so easy, I took it for granted that this would be as well - and when the dizziness and headaches first started, I thought surely they would get better, not worse.

Long story short, the migraine I got on Wednesday last week creeped into Thursday and after the symptoms got much worse, I ended up in the ER with an IV, some blood work, a cat scan and two extra strength tylenol. My symptoms looked like stroke symptoms (my stomach just sank when I wrote that) - but I checked out okay. No stroke, but apparently I am having "neurologic symptoms" along with my migraines.

I followed up with my neurologist, who just said there's nothing I can do. I appreciate that he is not worried, but I think I will seek a second opinion this week. My dad's neurologist is a friend of our family's, so I plan to call his office on Monday.

Landing in the ER really woke me up to priorities - and to the fact that perhaps this won't clear up during my pregnancy and I need to take action to clear my schedule a bit more. Because the truth is, I might kind of regret breaking my teaching contract this semester - for example - but I would never forgive myself if things continued to progress downhill and I could have done something right now to take the strain off my schedule.

So I am resting and evaluating - what's really important becomes suddenly clear when, at 20 weeks pregnant with my second child and not quite 30 yrs old, I am getting my head scanned for signs of a stroke.

Remembering: Random Thoughts on Zora's First Birthday

One year ago right now, my water broke after a few days of contractions...and I seriously thought that today, November 2 would be Zora's birthday...

Since I won't be able to spend much time with Zora tomorrow on her actual birthday, I am spending some time on this rainy day reflecting on the events one year ago and also on my first year with Zora.

Because I'm pregnant again, I feel like I need a little bit of time to process Zora's labor and delivery. According to my doctors, I need to make a decision soon about whether or not I will try for a VBAC (which currently, none of the doctors in my practice is recommending). If I want even the OPTION of a VBAC, I need to sign a waiver stating I know the high risks involved. Nothing like a little fear to drive a girl to surgery again!

I know this week is about Zora, but in some ways, I am processing a lot more than that. It was only a year ago I held that little peanut for the first time, and in less than 6 months, I'll be holding another one, who will grow up just as fast.

In some ways, this is helping me treasure my time with Zora and appreciate all the stages - not just because I know how fast life flies back and how quickly children grow up and change, but also because I'll have another one soon. I'll have another baby to take pictures of and mark milestones. So for now, I am enjoying the one-on-one time I have with my baby, who is quickly becoming a big girl - or so she likes us to tell her.

This also marks a big day/time for David and I as parents and as adults. Up until this point in our lives, our biggest birthday celebrations have been our own. Now, we are much more interested in those of our children, and marking the milestones in their lives. So the first birthday of our first child means growing up a little and massively shifting in our thinking - less about us, more about them.

I've had a thought the other night that being a mother has changed me. It is too soon for me to articulate how, but in some deep and profound ways - as well as simple, everyday ways - I am a different person than I was one year ago.

So happy [almost] birthday to my Zora - my firstborn, my little angel baby, my joy (who, as I type this is also showing a little OCD tendencies as she takes apples out of a bowl, organizes them, and puts them back neatly).